Curly-Rooted Devils

I suppose the argument could be made that having your wisdom teeth extracted is a rite of passage of sorts. A painful, swelling, terrible one, but a rite of passage nonetheless.

I had my wisdom teeth (thankfully, I only had three) removed three days ago, and in doing so, I’ve discovered five things:

1) Sedation dentistry is a glorious invention. I wasn’t completely out for the whole procedure, but even what I was awake for wasn’t that bad. By “awake,” I mean my thoughts were something along the lines of: Hey. They’re tugging on a tooth. I should obviously try to close my mouth. Why is there a plastic block in my mouth now? I wanna close my mouth because OHMYGOD SHINY STUFF.

2) I have tooth roots that look more like the toes of elf shoes. Seriously. They are long, hooked little assholes. Curly-rooted devils. I am told I have my grandmother to thank for that portion of genetic code.

3) My face swells. A lot. To an extent that is nothing short of comical. I look like I’m storing acorns for the winter.

4) I like (and miss) solid food. Chewing = good times.

5) Tylenol 3s make me a drooling messggfgnudssgnix. Oh, sorry. Just had one. Thanks to the darling wife for being so patient with me.

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